I once performed a speech about the need to expand one's self, to stay open to the possibilities of the world. The theme, oddly enough, was remaining focused: how remaining too narrow or focused went against the natural balance of life, how the universe expanded rather than contracted, how even at a molecular level, molecules dissipate away from high densities. I suppose, in short, the message would be to let one's self become anything and to never set limits.
I sometimes wonder though about the true meaning of the speech, whether life's tendency to expand really meant everyone should be as much as possible. When I first read the speech several years ago, I was definitely inspired. I shaped my life around such thought. In a way, I resembled a "Yes-man", declining no opportunities and trying to forge my own when none existed.
Yet I sit here now, feeling rather empty, without motivation or any real goal; I don't know what goal I would want and why I would want it. Little by little, it seemed my world fell apart around me. Hobbies I held dear, I no longer bother with; they don't appeal to me. Friends, that I thought I had so many of, seemed to have all but deserted me. Things I looked forward to so much, like competitions, parties, and events, seem to have fallen apart.
Did I do something wrong? Am I trying to be too much? Or maybe still too little and I must push further? Maybe my offense isn't that I try to confine myself too much but that I try to confine too much of the world in just me. I wanted to become everything, but not everything wanted to become me.