To be a student at this school is to be a victim to a degrading society. One has to realize that both students and teachers within the school do not value or believe in their own community. One also has to accept that those in power, those who run and take charge of things, are often those incapable of doing so. And in the end, one has to come to terms with the fact that he or she as well will become degraded in character, possibly to the point that once outside this society, the person will truly become, as constantly inferred or directly stated by others during the school years, nobody.
While the members of our community do not value the school nor hold any school spirit, ironically each believes him or herself to somehow be different and somehow more special. Compounding this with the belief that the school is hopeless, is trash, only elevates the mental image of themselves ever so higher. By judging themselves to be unique and full of potential but seeing the school as unworthy and virtually dirt, they assume themselves to be all the more important than those around them. This causes several problems.
One is that they begin working for themselves and for their own interests only (to dig themselves out of this pit); this in effect demoralizes the school and further enforces their belief, that the school is without a cause, and creates an endless cycle of degradation. Many students show this characteristic, particularly those in NARRT (a group which unfortunately exists only to prove to its students that they are indeed more important than others). Recommendations to providing a good resume are taken directly as a requirements lists. Activities such as community service are no longer done out of the good-heartedness; they are done strictly for use in a college application. Effort is kept to a minimal as students do not truly believe in what they are doing. This not only creates corruption at the school level, but with minimal effort in these service events, the quality of work done in the community as a whole is lowered and in many cases, fake. In taking courses, students no longer strive for their interests; they take the course solely for the Advanced level. Concepts are memorized but rarely understood; a student may copy every line from the textbook, but never understand the deeper meaning itself, and in many cases, not remember a single word after the chapter is over. This again defeats the purpose. What good is forcing yourself to learn, at a higher level, what you never held interest in taking to begin with? What good is taking a course and learning something you will never use again? What good is having taken the course, you remember nothing from it later on? In reality, a student who has taken AP may fare worse than the non-AP student, as the AP student recalls nothing from the courses taken. In regards to school clubs, the term ‘club’ simply no longer exists. Students do not join a club to help the club grow and prosper; students join to put it on their college applications. They do not promote the club; they find it easier denounce it in public, which actually happens far more frequently. Clubs may rarely be productive at all; some may only hold 2-3 events throughout the entire year, but that does not matter as the student will simply record on the college app. that he or she has been a member, or worse part of the cabinet, of the club for a whole year. Socially, it is actually looked down upon if one were to do more work than necessary, if one were to take a class that was not needed, if one were to actually do something out of the good of heart with no compensation. Here, one needs a reason to be kind, to do more than asked. Generosity does not exist in this school.
Another issue with such downright ludicrous mentality is that they begin to look down on those around them, actually believing that no one else in the school holds as important a role to the future, convinced each and every person around them deserves no respect. Again this degrades the atmosphere of the school and further worsens the scenario. Students begin to see each other, and even staff, as mere pawns to their own successes. They begin to use each other, with no shame or regret. Peers push one another to perform tasks the student himself cannot be bothered with his supposedly busy life. Those who excel in their classes are especially vulnerable this disease. One of the worst-case examples is actually a dear friend, whom I deeply respect but at the same time cannot deny his negative appearance. To clarify, I do not understate when I regard him as a respectable friend. I would trust him to attempt to strive for good morals, I would trust him to never intentionally do harm, and I would trust him with the most valuable of possessions, whether abstract or concrete - but only if he has the time. Always busy he is, regardless of the day, regardless of the task requested, regardless to whom it would benefit and to what extent. When asked to perform the simplest of tasks, even just reply to an email or glance at a photo, the reply is the same. He is far too busy, even as I am watching him, the only one doing bookwork amongst the class, work that is not due for several days, work that he can do at any time later. To work with him in any project, one must provide for him all materials as he would not have them, despite the fact you would not either and you would be forced to buy them; the time must be fitted to suit his schedule, one which just happens to be full this week and the next, every day, every hour. When finally settling on an obscure day, one which usually requires a sacrifice not of his part (but on yours), one which actually becomes significant as the only day the meeting is possible, he does not show up. He just happens to have more work or somewhere to go. Suppose one were to attempt a music project with him or work on a song collaboration. One may risk hauling to school an expensive laptop, packed with the most costly of software, with cables purchased from the most far-reaching specialty stores to connect the equipment; the room, which fortunately fits the schedule, would be reserved and the supervising teacher would wait impatiently for having been requested to stay the hour or two. But this student would never come, even though he was reminded the day before, even though he was reminded each of the 5 days before that as well, even though every time, he confidently declared he could (and even dared to accuse me of being overcautious). Just somehow, despite having been required to purchase all the equipment necessary, having to reserve and find the room, having to change my schedule to fit his, his unplanned, unforeseen agenda was still just far more important, important enough that it was worth rescheduling the meeting and leaving a “friend” to wait unknowingly for hours on end. His excuse the next day would consist of a list of his school courses and daily activities, a list to show that he really is a busy person, despite the fact I share an almost identical course list (his excuse to that - his courses used NARRT standards). To even further his shamelessness, he would insist on being credited for having made the attempt to help, though nothing was done by his effort. He would reason that though he did not manage to perform his end of the agreement, had he as much spare time as I, he would have far exceeded expectations and therefore should be acknowledged so. This way of thinking allows a supposedly good fellow such as he to see no wrong in not keeping his word to even his own friend. Surely, compared to him, the friend cannot be as busy, the friend cannot be as important, and the friend can be set aside.
Still that is not the worst example. Although he may be self-centered, he does not flat-out assume others as scum or trash, nor does he purposely intend to create trouble. Very few actually fall to that extent. Nevertheless, these students still exist. Sadly, such a student exists as president of a club as well, only boosting his ego and giving him all the more reason to look down on others. Even to his own cabinet, he shows little respect. His own mother, supervisor of the club, once requested a service and design for the club, one which normally quite costly. This request was answered by my own tribute, free of charge. Why I responded I cannot say; perhaps I too fell victim to the disease, for self benefit of a resume (though I had countless other deeds already and this was but a minor tweak). But perform the deed I did, and not cheap it was. Though I never said so and though I claimed it was but a quick set up, the total time to the actual finish of the design preceded over nearly 5 nonstop, consecutive days, each time without the night’s sleep, each day doing more harm to my own self as the quality of my other activities plummeted and meals were skipped. The design was by far my best yet, a design I later based many others on, but one which almost never saw the light of day. Though I only suspected it, the president could care less. It meant nothing to his credit and it was therefore useless; it was trash. In the beginning, he tried to be respectful, more or less to keep his own public image acceptable. He announced it only to pay homage to my work, but what he did not understand was that I built it, not for the achievement which I could care less of, but to aid the club and actually be used. This he never did and the project I was asked to complete was soon abandoned. This I could accept for he did not know of the request, nor might the club supervisor have known what she really requested, but alas, with the design now public, it had to be updated accordingly. Despite the simple setup I had made for the cabinet’s ease of use, I was to be appointed to keep it maintained and updated. Though I myself was quite busy as well, being part of the cabinet of numerous other clubs, though I had already sacrificed an entire week in creating it to begin with, I did not mind and I accepted. Yet, upon requesting the information so that I may actually perform the update, the president refused. The supervisor had the club documents, not the president; the president could not get it for he was a busy person, despite the fact that the supervisor was his own mother. For what reason I did not understand at first, he requested the number of AP courses I took. This I answered honestly for I saw no reason to lie: AP Biology, AP English, AP Economics, AP Calculus. To add to that, I was currently enrolled in two courses at the local college, both of which offered college credit. This he refused to believe; he simply accused me of lying and insisted that city college courses are also easier than AP courses. This I knew to be false and I questioned whether he himself had taken any, but he immediately saw need to set himself higher than me. He insisted that he needed no college courses, that unlike me, he did not need design and perform services (to support his resume, which was by far not the subject of this conversation). His was but a futile attempt, for if he wished to argue in that direction, neither did I need the college courses; the courses were but a result of fluke circumstances. Had I not fallen victim to an accident years before, I would have been able to attend normally to my other courses. And had that occurred, I would have been able to fit both my college classes within my normal schedule. Of course, I also had all the right to sue whoever had caused the accident, ruin the life of another to regain what I had lost, but I did not. Thus I had to take the courses at the college. I also did not need to work and perform services for others; again, I was already credited to aiding numerous other deeds and organizations. I only helped for the supervisor requested it. None of this I mentioned, as the sole purpose of the conversation had been to acquire information to update the site, and this I reminded him. With that he further insisted I had all the time during the school day to find his mother, the supervisor, and seek the information myself, that I had plenty of passing periods (though my classes were scattered to the effect I almost always had to run) and an entire lunch period (which I had to sacrifice for two other clubs). Again he felt threatened, by what I do not know (though I suspect he believed himself the only busy student of the school), and he challenged me to prove him wrong, that I could possibly not have time to find his mother. Why he himself did not have this time as well? I did not bother to ask; the answer was more than likely that he was busy, that whatever he had on his agenda far outweighed any task I needed to complete. This example by far shows the self-centered mentality of our school at one of its worst. It is rare that someone cannot ask his own mother for information, that he demands another to reschedule their day, to meet his mother, to find information for his club, and do work for his club with nothing in return, but this I did, and again I know not why. Perhaps I sought to set myself above those deeply self-centered by doing and not receiving anything in return. (But would that not make me self-centered as well? I do not know.)
Sadly, this is not only evident in just students but in the staff and teachers as well. Why waste effort in a deteriorating school? Even the most active of staff and teachers shamelessly display this attribute. A previous supervisor of our own club, for example, shared similar characteristics to my constantly busy friend. Repeatedly, he assured us that club meeting events were set and ready. Repeatedly he assured us he would be there to supervise (for the school and law required it). More than half the time, he lied. The majority of times, he would not be available at all and on the day prior, or worse, the meeting day itself, he would insist that we must reschedule. Projects we wished to showcase, those that took months in the making, would suffer from this set back; the club’s reputation as a whole would decline. He was never once there to actually guide us through our projects. All equipment, over thousands of dollars worth, was purchased by the club members themselves; all preparation was handled and managed by the club members themselves. Requesting even the littlest of assistance from him (such as the signing of a pass) took us thrice the time and effort compared to that he actually spent (to lift his pen and sign). Despite the fact our club prospered, despite we proved self-sufficient and offered him little trouble, despite we were of his own club, not once did he sacrifice his own commitments in favor of ours. Slowly, he even began to betray us, to make an effort to rid us, despite it being less effort to simply stop giving promises he could not hold. First came his attempt to disband our club altogether. With no warning whatsoever, without even telling us until it was almost too late, he resigned from being our club supervisor; fortunately for us, we managed to find another after several weeks’ continuous search (sacrificing time both before and after school and during our lunch periods). Had we been a day or two less fortunate, our plans for the month would have become overly time-pressed and thereby folded. After several more months consisting of countless sleepless nights, we finally finished our project; we were ready to showcase it and he had promised us a reserved date months in advance. To further pile on our success, we hosted several consecutive showcases, each of previous projects, before leading to our most climatic. Yet, after one showcase, he insisted we were to never host events again, for we had let previous audiences bring food in. His evidence: several displaced chip bags and crumbs here and there. Upon offering to cleanup and do whatever it took to make up for it, he blandly refused; this was his chance to rid us altogether, despite us having rarely needed his help (which he never gave anyways). Thus our months’ work, our most anticipated moment, planned months in advance, was canceled on his accord. It was only his right to turn us in, his choice, but nonetheless he chose to punish us and thereby make an effort to hinder our progress. Yet now, upon reviewing the room in which we committed our offense, not a trace of evidence remains; no signs exist that we were ever there to begin with. Projects that we committed months to, done at our own expense both in time and money, for the entertainment and benefit of the school, were done in vain. Not only were we to spend double the effort to carry out our projects (that were done FOR the school), we were never to showcase them again. In the end, he not only succeeded in helping us to a minimal (though we were well self-sufficient), he saw to it that we were never involved with him ever again. Our interests were always second to his; in his mind, he was always above us, the hopeless students of this school, and we were not worth his time. The school’s teachers and staff, just like the students, suffer from this strange illness of the mind.
Last but not least, a community that does not believe in itself, such as that of our school, would often deny their own ability to succeed in anything. In doing so, they would simply not try, and in doing that, they would ultimately prove themselves right by guaranteeing their failure. Many cases exist to this degree. Students may see themselves hopeless and warp the image of the school to become their enemy. Eventually they may even begin to believe this and give up altogether on succeeding in their school, to an extent, it actually becomes acceptable to fail tests and not do work. This is present throughout the school, even with AP students. Given a test seemingly too difficult, the student who scores highly would actually be scorned while the majority of the class would deliberately aim for a B or below to avoid such a fate (though it would ruin their GPA in the long run and question the motive behind entering an AP class in the first place). Given an opportunity at receiving a scholarship or internship, students do not even bother to apply, believing their attempts to be futile. Teachers as well would sometimes give up teaching altogether, only to instruct what pages the students must study (from a book the student must purchase), and proceed to leave the room to finish their own agenda. Even the littlest of tasks prove to require too much effort on anyone’s part. This I realized in an attempt to enter a school project into a national contest, expecting the school to give some extent of support. The plan was overly simple for the contest was open to public vote. Our school was one of the largest in the area; our entry we kept in low public profile to prevent negative voting from outsiders. Thousands of fliers were spread throughout the school. Showcases were made and well received, but to actually vote was far too difficult for our audiences. It was no problem finding our entry; it was no problem to review and give suggestions. Voting was not even the issue, for many did vote, but to actually vote positively for our entry was simply not possible. The contest was lost, not from lack of votes, (we actually surpassed the winner in votes) but because the majority of votes, from our own school, actually denounced our entry. Regardless of the school’s boost in image were we to win, regardless of the pride in being part of a winning school, regardless that we devoted weeks on end to the entry, regardless that nearly a quarter million dollars would have been given to the school, the students voted against our entry. They believed the school was trash; nothing it made could not possibly win. The few positive votes actually came from outside. For a school to actually vote against its own team in a contest with prizes of that magnitude, clearly the school’s community sees itself a failure impossible to correct. Clearly, such a society is a degrading one.
As if it were not enough that the school seeks to destroy itself, those in power, in control of the flow of events, who have the ability to influence the school and students’ futures, are often incompetent, incapable of doing so, and undeserving of their position. A majority of these people are those under the influence that they are better than those around them. These lead to a decline in the school as no real effort is ever used to accomplish their tasks. Hard as it is to believe, teachers actually exist who bow down to the bullying of students, thereby creating classes in which the students literally learn nothing at all. Though it may appear an easy class to pass, once taking the AP final exam, it only proves fatal. The student government has no ability whatsoever to change any aspect of the school; instead they serve only the school’s short-term interests but with no motive or heart. Announcements and newsletters are pathetically read and typed, almost always guaranteeing an error, sometimes as dramatic as completely restating a point to which it becomes the opposite. Events are held almost pointlessly and without merit. Such a case exists in the distribution of baked goods during a celebration. It seemed too good to be true if they were to give away something for free and in a way it was. The treats were fake, just barely edible, consisting of literally a plate decorated with cream and toppings. By observing the government’s works, it would seem nothing distinguishes a student government officer from a regular student. In school clubs, positions are often given with no work required at all. One supervisor, whose club was lacking a functional cabinet, gave the presidential position away to a completely random student, who then presumed to assign cabinet positions to more randomly selected members. The self-centered president, mentioned earlier, openly admitted, in his rant, that the majority of the work was done by the advisor. Little did he ever manage, but again, he was president. I did not even hold a cabinet position, and yet I devoted sleepless days to fulfilling a request they gave half a thought over. I highly doubt the president ever lost even a single night’s sleep in sacrifice to any club or project. The decline in cabinet work shows ever more readily when students approach my own club, often in search of a position for their resume. Give them a chance I would, but scarcely do I give them the position do they cease work altogether and let the club fall apart. In more aggravating cases, the new officer would request that the club as a whole do less. In short, not only would the students demand the title but refuse the work, they would attempt to undermine and UNDO the work of the very club they served. Several of my own cabinet straight-out lie of their efforts. Caught speaking against their own club or being many days idle when they claim to have their schedule full on schoolwork, they still attempt to put themselves in good light, to deny the facts, and to assume they actually sound righteous. To find true leadership skills in the school is astonishingly rare and an attempt to do so is undeniably hopeless.
In regards to school staff, much of the management is often redundant and inefficient. Upon requesting merely that the work I put into several club-related events be acknowledged from the main school website, to simply recognize the existence of what I do as well as satisfy the demands from the clubs themselves that the sites be linked, required that I meet afterschool and wait nearly an hour, only to be rescheduled to next week during a lunch, in which I followed a similar fate. When finally reviewing my request, the principal spoke of site quality, his supposed computer-managing staff member asserting that my sites lacked effort or content. At first, I believed them to be referring to my sites’ layouts, which I had always been admittedly weak in. The fact that I put several years’ efforts into the software that powered the sites, I excused them for being ignorant of, for no one could ever figure that from a mere glance. Remembering my actual viewing of the school website however, I did not understand; their layout was very similar in ‘quality’ if not worse, as clearly it was just a blog and clearly, the school had put little effort into the site layout, which clearly stated that the template had been borrowed from an outside source. This I found significant and saw need to have them view the site directly before me, to dare them to insult my work when comparing their own website to mine side-by-side. In actual review of the sites, with all persons in the room at one time, they then changed their argument, insisting that my sites were vulnerable to lawsuits or liability. I then revealed that each was securely passworded with a disclaimer promptly stated on each; at this, they were lost for excuses and told me only that they would consider it at their own time. It is crucial to realize that for all this time wasted, the sites could have merely been linked with a few clicks, something that should take but only a few minutes, yet here I was devoting several days to mis-scheduled meetings and other unnecessary complications. In the end, not only did they refuse to acknowledge my work, they demanded I dismantle all that I had done, for it was a “threat” to the school’s public image.
In still another example of futilely complex but inefficient managing, one club cabinet proved confusedly indecisive and stringent over the tiniest of matters. The first semester was over, but its club data, the status and work done of its members, was not even close to finished, not even started. Out of mere generosity, I offered to create a database or management program to organize their information; with such a tool, their progress could increase tenfold and they’d catch up in no time. But rather than moving forward, they proceeded to question the security of my program, proceeded to criticize and request a number of countless but pointless features, such as password protection over the entire program (regardless that the database was already secure and private information hidden). It is important to realize that numerous organizations, far more data-dependent than this club, were already using my program without such minor delicacies, but they considered their data to be of much higher importance. Nevertheless, I completed all their requests, though the loss of time to creating these features far outweighed the benefits. Realize this however, that the database was up by day one, but they refused to use it even after a month it had been created and even several weeks after their additional requests had been fulfilled. In another example, its decision as to whether to appoint me as cabinet consumed much more time than necessary, considering that the cabinet only met once a month and any time wasted would be devastating. At the time, the cabinet had been in shortage of staff, and I had offered to take on the missing role, given that I was already partly fulfilling the job. In its first ruling, the decision was made to appoint me to cabinet, but upon discovering I was in the cabinet of several other clubs, it was decided I had to be removed. It was then later reconsidered that I would remain in cabinet, but be substituted if I could not show up, though I always did. Then given another few days, with no changes whatsoever, they again reconsidered their decision and removed me from cabinet, regardless that I did attend every meeting, regardless that I did the work (more work than needed by far). It is questionable then, to consider exactly what is the purpose of a cabinet? Here they were, devoting so much time to deciding whether a member, such as I, should be appointed to cabinet, rather than actually getting anything done (recalling that their membership data was far from complete), while I, on the other hand, did perform all tasks requested of me, and even numerous tasks of other cabinet members. They forget altogether the true purpose of not allowing cabinet members from other club cabinets, to avoid officers who would not perform their work efficiently, but when one who attends all meetings, has devoted countless sleepless days to finish more work than is actually required of him, and even performs jobs of other officers, it is complete nonsense to even wonder of his devotion to the club. Yet this is beside the point, for never once did I insist on becoming part of the cabinet; the complication was but brought upon them by themselves. I had merely offered my assistance only to be taken through a round of confusingly complex but redundant trials. Sadly, even members of the club and cabinet itself realize their inefficiencies, for they have mentioned this numerous times, whether public or among friends, but the cabinet has done little to improve itself. Onced grouped together, the cabinet insists that it is one of the best on campus.
The leader of a group is seen as usually the best of the group itself, but this is obviously not true with workings of our school. Instead, we have leaders and people in power with no interest whatsoever in the progress or health of their subjects, from clubs that demote themselves to even the principal and staff themselves who actually work towards keeping their school as basic and limited as possible. Meanwhile, a government is usually created to represent its people; perhaps this is only more evidence that the school community truly sees itself as a failure, given we are to be represented as such.
It is rather ironic then, perhaps sarcastic, even a bad joke, that after many years of this suffering, after many years of trying to promote themselves and themselves only, trying to ruin the lives of all others around them, that many of these characters will be no better off than had they simply strived to do more good for their community; more than likely they even become corrupted by their horrid experiences. I say this from the perspective of a student at this school, roughly halfway through his journey. Like everyone else, I cannot predict the future, but I have the benefit of having traveled to a number of what I consider the finest places in this world, and I have the benefit of having met and befriended a huge variety of different people. (Note however the distinction between ’finest’ and ‘richest’, for I was not of a rich family but of a hardworking one.) With this, I will say confidently that our school, our tiny community amidst the giants of others, is truly the most unique. No other campus or community relates even closely to what we have created here. No other society is bound more closely to such similar beliefs that were not taught nor even documented but simply formed from experience, to promote one’s self over all others and at the expense of all others. Prior to entering the school, I had always held the naive belief that deep down, no one can ever be strictly self-focused, no one can ever purposely be cruel. This I found true and this I still believe, but with a slight note: While it is true that no one is purposely cruel or strictly self-focused, a vast majority is cruel and self-focused nonetheless. They may not attempt to be so, but they gradually become so, regardless if they realize it or not. I myself fell victim to this; I, who had never once found hate in anyone, who never saw reason to speak harshly or even raise my voice, found myself despising nearly everyone around me, found myself seeing all those about me as scum, not deserving to waste the very air with their worthless lives. Like my examples above, I sought to elevate myself and myself only, thereby never allowing anyone to discover what I truly thought, thereby living a life of lies. Fortunately, I never allowed myself to sink deep enough and become embedded in such a horrid state; fairly often, my family traveled and fairly often this brought what can be described as a relief and easing to the damage the school had done to me, like the warmth of a soft flame after a day’s struggle in ice and wind. Not once, however, was I gone long enough to fully clear my conscience of its filth.
My fulfilling revelation finally came in the form of a course and stay at a far-off university, directly across the nation, far enough to fully isolate me from the harmful effects of my school. The experience forced me to realize our school’s obscurity, forced me to see, that in an attempt to find the norm of society, we successfully strayed as far as we possibly could. At this university, there were none who sought to enrich just their own lives and not equally enrich the lives of others, no pointless comments seeking to temporarily raise one’s social appeal but at the same time ruin the greater picture to come, no thought of anyone being more unique or important than others. Generosity was abundant to the point it was taken for granted and expected of everyone. One did not think twice before taking on any act of kindness. One did not constantly consider what was in it for him or herself. One performed with enthusiasm, not with reluctance. One could look forward to the next day, not to foresee what would be gained, but to anticipate what could be done for others. Unlike the former school, each and every day held surprises in store - not because the campus was exceedingly well-managed (though it was) but because the entire community functioned as one large governing body, constantly making plans and keeping itself busy. The hardships I experienced on my trip did not differ much from those back home; the difference was in the people, their style of thought. Simply put, one didn’t need a reason to be nice; one needed a reason to be cruel.
It was only after the summer’s experience that I, upon re-entering my former school, realized to what depths many have sunk to. While they may have been doing well above satisfactory in many of their works and public portrayals, many of these people have become ruined within. Their true inner characters, their honesty, their loyalty, they have all but become vanquished. The generosity I had learned to expect from others, was now considered a weakness and flaw. To give or do without anything in return resulted in two outcomes - either you became strange for doing too much or you were despised in fear you expected something back. Every deed, every action, had to have a cause and a why.
Yet perhaps it is I who is actually corrupt and self-centered. Despite countless observations of this trait in our school, perhaps I have failed to observe it within myself. Perhaps I too have irreparably sunk with the standards of our school. It is outrageous if I were to consider myself flawless when all others were not. Indeed, I find myself in numerous high positions of the school, both club and otherwise, far more than any other would consider. Why? I do not know. Perhaps I too am selfish, that I seek to solely build my resume, that I too am blindly driven to hold positions simply for the sake of doing so. Indeed, I criticize many for their horrid character values, but perhaps I too share the trait. Perhaps I am actually looking down on others and raising myself, in my own mind and image, while attempting to debase the public image of all others. Indeed, I look upon my own mind and realize what drives my own being, to always overdo and never hold back, to become self-sufficient and expect aid from no one, to live life to its fullest and make a place for myself in the world, something to distinguish myself for who I am; perhaps it is I who is wrong. Perhaps I only seek to improve my own image for my own self-benefit. To what right do I have to judge others of their doings? Who am I to consider all else such lowly deprived characters? I am but a member of this school and community - indifferent and just the same, a nobody.
To be in this school is to accept many despicable truths. To be in this school is to fight and care only for one’s future at the expense of all others, even friends, and actually dig one’s self deeper into the chaos instead. No deed is done without repayment; no respect is given without expectance of a gain. Clubs and organizations are not done in passion or enjoyment; not even donations and volunteer services are done without credit. Those who have all the power to change this are either corrupt or futile; progress is horribly inefficient due to either a lack of capability or the fact they do not believe in their purpose. Here, no individual holds genuine loyalty or respect. Here, one was either successful and selfish or giving and hopeless, never both. No one did without purpose, performed without reason. No one. Nobody.
Not even me.